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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27530893">Red Robin and Red Hood’s Comprehensive Guide To Bat Romance.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Marron/pseuds/The_Marron'>The_Marron</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Red Robin (Comics)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Batfamily Dynamics (DCU), Batfamily shenaningans, Crack, Dick Grayson's complicated love life, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Minor Jonathan Samuel Kent/Damian Wayne, Minor Kate Kane/Renee Montoya, Minor Roy Harper/Jade Nguyen, Minor Roy Harper/Koriand'r, Minor Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne, Minor Stephanie Brown/Cassandra Cain, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, no beta we die like jason todd, slight angst in the second part</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-08 06:40:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,377</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27530893</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Marron/pseuds/The_Marron</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jason and Tim try to make sense of their family's complicated love lives and maybe gain some love lives of their own in the process.</p><p>Or: 5 times Jason and Tim judged someone's relationship and 1 time they were the ones judged.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tim Drake/Jason Todd</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>229</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Red Robin and Red Hood’s Comprehensive Guide To Bat Romance.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is a bunch of fragments of different versions of DC continuities wearing a trenchcoat and pretending to be a legit timeline. Can be seen as a continuation of <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/9124537">It's Not a Safe World For Kids</a>  because I applied same headcanons here but they are not connected by plot.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It started as a joke. Or rather, it started as a genuine need for information that got turned into a joke because, well, Jason.</p><p>They were all sitting in the cave, listening to Dick’s lengthy tale of his failed date when Tim realized he had no idea <em>who</em> Dick was dating at the moment.</p><p>“Wait, Dick, I’m sorry, I was uploading data into the Batcomputer and I think I missed some things – ‘your girl’ in question is Starfire, right?” Tim asked and immediately regretted it. Dick gave him a hurt and disappointed look and in that moment Tim knew – he screwed up.</p><p>“I’m not dating Kory anymore.” Dick replied, his voice rather sad.</p><p>“Yeah, Kory is with Roy now. It was Barbara, right? Old flames die hard and all…” Jason mused from behind Tim’s back where he was busy hovering over Tim’s head, occasionally stealing Tim’s cup of coffee and being no help whatsoever.</p><p>Before Dick could reply, he was interrupted by Damian’s scoff.</p><p>“You two disappointments can’t even get your data straight, Barbara is involved with someone else, Grayson was clearly referring to Zatanna.” The brat announced with pride and Tim was ready to snap back at him, but he caught Dick’s ashamed expression before the retort formed on his tongue. The Demon Wonder was wrong as well.</p><p>Tim looked at Jason, who only shrugged. <em>No help whatsoever</em>. Dick was looking less and less comfortable.</p><p>“Wait, Dickie, weren’t you with Lori?” Steph asked, fresh from showers with Cass in her tow, both of them clearly amused by Dick’s deer-in-the-headlights impression.</p><p>“No, they broke up a while ago. The last girl you’ve mentioned was Raya Vestri, so I assumed it was her…” Duke added from his safe haven next to Batmobile where Dick’s wounded eyes couldn’t haunt him.</p><p>“It can’t be her, that one tried to get Goldie Boy here killed! Unless you are into that kind of thing, it is hardly a material for this wonderfully failed date Dickie described.” Jason said, his laughter rather mean than teasing.</p><p>“Some people can see past assassination attempts.” Tim defended and something in Jason’s expression shifted. He looked interested all of a sudden, as if Tim’s theories on forgiveness were far more interesting than Dick’s disastrous love life.</p><p>“Can they now…” Jason whispered and Tim’s traitorous brain decided that it was break time and provided no ready reply.</p><p>He was saved by Batman who simply said:” Stop harassing Nightwing. It was Huntress and I have surveillance on her already.”</p><p>A loud and incredulous “WHAT?” echoed through the cave and Tim realized this was the end of any productivity in here. He left Dick with the rest of the family asking him different variation of ‘how did you land Huntress???’ and headed for his car, his mind full of questions from the case when he noticed that he wasn’t alone.</p><p>”I thought you’d be the first one to grill Dick for details.” Tim said and Jason laughed.</p><p>“Yeah, not today. I need your help with one case and figured since you’re still in the work mode you are not resting anytime soon, so maybe I might tag along?”</p><p>“Brilliant deduction, Watson. You‘ve earned yourself a place in this car.”</p><p>And they left the Batcave to be productive members of the superhero society. But the seeds of discontent had been planted it Tim’s mind.</p><p>*</p><p>Jason’s new drug dealer community was dealt with rather quickly, their files miraculously appearing on Jim Gordon’s desk and Tim and Jason are back at the Nest, eating Chinese takeout of Jason’s choice and drinking beer (because Jason just can’t stop being  bad influence)when Tim’s mind circles back to the evening of Dick’s Humiliation.</p><p>“Humiliation of Dick sounds like a title of some sex-slave harlequin.” Tm muses, the sentence out before Tim’s more analytical and socially-approved side could inspect it and Jason chokes on his noodles, laughing.</p><p>He thankfully gets it under control before Tim can genuinely panic and give him CPR or do anything more embarrassing like cry for help or phone Batman.</p><p>“It still bothers you? Dickie’s harem of ex-girlfriends no one can keep track of?” Jason asks after calming his breathing and downing a glass of water for good measure.</p><p>“A bit? Not Dick’s girlfriends personally but the fact that no one is keeping track of them, I know we Bats are a nosy bunch and everyone hates us for it, but we should know basic things about each other, what if Dick was hurt? And his current girl of the week had to be informed? We would have to figure out who she is, if she knows Dick as Nightwing, does she only know Nightwing, or only Dick? He doesn’t always date within the community and we should know…” Tim is aware he is rambling at this point but it is late, he was given beer, hadn’t slept for at least 24 hours and his concern is genuine.</p><p>“Yeah, I agree, but then again… We are Bats. We suck in romance department. It’s easier not to get too attached to anyone’s significant other because there is a great possibility they won’t be here tomorrow – kidnapped, erased from the multiverse, killed, actually a villain, brainwashed, we have seen it all.” Jason replies, getting comfortable on Tim’s couch. He is staying the night, it seems.</p><p>“Yes and this is why we should know these people before they become a problem.” Tim exclaims, his brain whirring at high speed, looking for a way to make this happen, to <em>have </em>this data…</p><p>“Okay, let’s assume we can create the data base for Bats’ Love Interests, you are aware we should start with B himself? Both as Brucie and as Batman? His dramatic love life is a stuff of nightmares with so many characters, it would make even Shakespeare cry.”</p><p>“Dickens would take that as a challenge, though.” Tim defends and Jason smiles. Just… Smiles, his old, Robin-like grin, carefree, cocky and so happy.</p><p>“I’m sold, Red. Let’s do it.”</p><p>*</p><p>A comprehensive data collection requires order and categorization, both Tim and Jason agreed. What they couldn’t agree on was the name of the categories. Whereas Tim opted for a nice way of just writing the types of relationships as ‘happy’, ‘complicated’ and ‘over’, Jason argued that all of these relationships would end up being complicated and frankly, he had a point.  But that still wasn’t the reason to let him name categories after Jane Austen’s couples. </p><p>“Fine! Tropes that is.” Jason finally shouts and Tim looks up from his chart that got magically drawn during their scientific argument that lasted a little over an hour.</p><p>“Tropes?”</p><p>“Literary tropes, TV tropes, you want to be scientific, let’s do that.”</p><p>And that was how is started.</p><p><em>Red and Hood’s Comprehensive Guide To Bat Romance</em>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>1. The Official Couple – Batman &amp; Catwoman</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The first item on the chart appears a week after the inception of said chart.</p><p>While Bruce Wayne’s love life is almost as complicated as the Batman himself, it is clear to everyone and their mother that there are only two women in Bruce’s life that are a permanent fixture and Talia cheated her way into the position by becoming tube-baby-Damian’s mother and delivering said tube baby to Batman’s doorstep. Her constant schemes, loyalty to Ra’s al Ghul and the fact that no one aside from Bruce (maybe) and Damian likes her, as well as the fact that she is a clear-cut assassin killed any chance for these two to be together. Selina Kyle however, she is here to stay. She’s been around since before Bruce took Dick in and even after all these years Batman is still a bit stupid when it comes to Catwoman, to the point where on one particularly awful Christmas day Stephanie proposed a game of ‘one moment that made you question your choices as Robin” and basically everyone present told a variation of ‘and then I saw them on the rooftop and life was not the same anymore’ story. Jason then proclaimed it was the best Christmas of his life and Bruce simply left the dining room in silence. Alfred just sighed and followed him, leaving the rest of them to terrorize Damian who still hasn’t had the pleasure of witnessing Batman and Catwoman’s courtship at the point. Tim refused to feel guilty about that Christmas night, Bruce deserved it.</p><p>Still, it took one specific moment for Bruce and Selina to earn their spot on the chart.</p><p>They are once again in the cave, Jason tinkering with his motorbike using Bat-tools and Tim again perusing Batcomputer’s database to solve the mystery of a disappearing WE intern nodding along to Sisters of Mercy blaring from the speakers, courtesy of Jason, when the door open and Batman and Catwoman stomp in. Well, Selina is stomping and Bruce just follows after her, his expression a bit apologetic, which is a rarity, Batman doesn’t do apologetic, so Tim stops what he is doing to observe.</p><p>“Selina, I think…” That proves to be a wrong thing to say, because Selina turns on her heel to glare straight into Batman’s cowl.</p><p>“Dear, I don’t give a damn what you think. I just said that I’d appreciate it if you informed me that I’ll need to fight your evil exes for your hand <em>before </em>you proposed. Talia thankfully I can handle, but I will need a bit more training to take on half of the Justice League, Gotham socialites and one-third of your Rogue Gallery or how do you call us.” She spits out and Batman takes a step back.</p><p>“I…” He looks a bit pitiful and Tim shares an elated look with Jason who looks like it’s his birthday and Christmas all rolled into one.</p><p>“You’re lucky I’m the best thief around here and I don’t let go of things I steal.” Selina says with a mischievous grin and walks away towards the showers then she turns to look at their audience.  “Hi boys, I’d love to chat but I just had a sword fight with Talia al Ghul and apparently I’ve got another duel with one Andrea Beaumont this lovely evening, courtesy of your father.” She explains and Jason laughs out loud.</p><p>“We’ve got a whole list of his exes if you want, Selina.” Tim calls after her and she blows him a kiss, disappearing in the showers.</p><p> Bruce shoots Tim a betrayed look, cowl no longer covering his face. Tim just shrugs. Really, Bruce should’ve known that every member of the Batfamily when given a choice would side with Catwoman on this.</p><p>Bruce seems to gather that and makes a hasty retreat into the showers as well. However he is going to deal with Selina occupying the premises, Tim doesn’t really want to know. He stands up from the Batcomputer and makes his way to join Jason. He sits down next to him, careful not to disturb the man and to not displace any tools. He takes a sip of his coffee and then feels ready to talk about recent occurings.</p><p>“That was… something.” He starts and Jason snorts.</p><p>“Please, don’t speak. I want to savor this moment. Batman slut-shamed by Catwoman. Things I didn’t know I wanted to see and yet Gotham keeps on giving.” He says and Tim elbows him.</p><p>“Hey, he’s been around for many years…”</p><p>“…Many slutty, slutty years…” Jason interjects and Tim really wants to hit him.</p><p>“And he’s been lonely, I think. And really, we all have our share of exes, maybe aside from Damian. Can we really judge?”</p><p>Jason looks him in the eye and replies with force: “Definitely.”</p><p>Tim laughs.</p><p>“Name one woman not from Batfamily Bruce hasn’t slept with.” Jason says.</p><p>“Black Canary?”</p><p>“You sweet summer child…”<em>Wait, what.</em></p><p>“Jason? What do you…” Jason’s satisfied grin tells Tim everything he really didn’t want to know. <em>Bruce, what the hell</em>.</p><p>They sit in silence for w while, Jason reassuming his work on the bike and Tim reevaluating everything he thought he knew about Bruce and his relationships when it hits him.</p><p>“Wait, did she say <em>proposed</em>?”</p><p>This evening, Batman and Catwoman are given the title ‘The official couple’ and they get their own commentary written in Jason’s elegant hand-writing: <em>In case of a divorce we enter Catwoman’s custody</em>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>The Bold and The Beautiful – Oracle &amp; Nightwing &amp; Starfire &amp; Arsenal &amp; Cheshire</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The second entry on the chart appears a month after Bruce and Selina’s.  This particular name of the category derives from Tim being hilarious on painkillers, or so Jason says. Tim cannot really argue, he was mostly out of it when Jason carried him to the Nest, bleeding profusely from the wound in his side.</p><p>When Jason finishes patching him up, Tim says: “Explain to me what happened there.”</p><p>Jason sighs.</p><p>“League of Assassins appeared in the middle of the drug bust. Batman took on Talia, Ra’s had a very creepy talk with you but you told him to screw himself…”</p><p>“I did not, I’ve got manners.”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s what you meant, Red, and also, I’m telling the story, so hush.” Tim nods weakly.  He is lying on his own couch with Jason sitting on the floor, his back to the couch and his hand still on Tim’s wrist, as if he needs to check Tim’s pulse constantly. Tim would analyze it later, for now his last sober brain cell really wants to know what the hell it’s witnessed.</p><p>“So you told Ra’s to fuck off and stop being a creep, then we had an awesome fight with Cass pulling a Nico di Angelo and emerging from shadows to kick ass and the three of us were running to join Batman when Cheshire cut us off.”</p><p>“And then Arsenal arrived?”</p><p>“No, wait, first we had a badass fight with Cheshire, you always skip the cool parts, Red.” Tim snorts but doesn’t protest.</p><p>“So we are fighting with Cheshire, she keeps on using her ninja tricks, Cass gets a distress call from Steph so we tell her we’ve got this handled and we totally did and all was going well when Roy called on the comms and we were in the middle of the fight so I told him to fuck off…”</p><p>“That sounds like you.”</p><p>“Oh, lay off of me, I’m a delight in right circumstances.” Jason protests and Tim uses his free hand to pat Jason’s head.</p><p>“I know.” He soothes and Jason seems to calm down a bit. Any other time, patting Red Hood’s head like he’s a good dog might get Red Robin killed but today is free affection day, or something, because Jason allows Tim to pet him and he is still holding Tim’s other hand, his fingers gentle, yet firm on his wrist.</p><p>“Where was I?”</p><p>“Roy didn’t fuck off.” Tim supplies helpfully.</p><p>“Yeah, he didn’t listen and you were shouting something at Cheshire in the background and she replied to you and Roy heard it and cut off the comms.”</p><p>“And then he appeared.”</p><p>“And then he appeared.” Jason agrees and sighs deeply.” And as the idiot he is, he ran to Cheshire and they started to have their usual ‘<em>Jade come back home</em>’.” Jason says, his voice a poor imitation of Arsenal’s.</p><p>“<em>Sorry Roy, you know I can’t.”</em> Tim adds, trying his best imitate Cheshire’s husky voice. Judging from Jason’s amused chuckle, he fails spectacularly. He’s high and hurting, he can be forgiven.</p><p>“<em>But Lian needs you</em>.” Jason continues, grasping Tim’s hand like it’s 1800s and Tim is a damsel dying of consumption.</p><p>“<em>No one needs me, I do not fit here</em>.” Tim says dramatically and looks into the ceiling to emphasize the drama.</p><p>“I need you.” Jason stops doing Roy’s voice and it sounds a bit too earnest and Tim is drugged up and definitely not in the state to rationalize why his pulse sped up so he concentrates on the story.</p><p>“And then everything exploded and Cheshire stabbed me.”</p><p>“And then everything exploded and Cheshire stabbed you. And ran with Roy hot on her heels.”</p><p>Tim processes the information.</p><p>“What does Starfire think about Roy’s feelings for Cheshire?” He asks and Jason sighs so deeply that Tim immediately regrets asking.</p><p>“This is such a mess… I’m way too sober to talk about their love lives.”</p><p>“That bad?”</p><p>“You have no idea.”</p><p>Jason leaves to get himself tea and Tim maybe should be concerned why he has tea in his own Nest, he barely drinks it but Jason clearly knows where to find it and that’s something worth looking into but maybe later.</p><p>Armed with tea and with his free hand again on Tim’s pulse, Jason starts his story.</p><p>“Kory is from Tamarran and their ideas of love are a bit different than ours. Their love is eternal, but not singular, or something, I didn’t really understand when she was explaining it.”</p><p>“They do not fall out of love, they just add another person they love in their heart when they enter a new relationship?” Tim offers because Dick had tried to explain it to him once.</p><p>“Yeah, that. She actually has a husband on Tamarran but they do not love each other at all. He has his lady love and he gave Kory permission to marry Dick. But then stuff happened, Kory got amnesia and when she remembered Dick he was back with Barbara and she was already with Roy.”</p><p>“And Roy never got over Jade, not really?” Jason gives him a sad look and Tim can only imagine how hard it must be to have two friends who are happy together but at the same time they are both clearly hung up on their respective exes.</p><p>“He married her, you know.”</p><p>“Roy… He married a villain? An assassin? Did he know who she was?” Tim asks because woah, that sounds… ballsy. And tragic, really.</p><p>“He did. He loved her a lot and she stopped for a while, they were happy even, she gave birth to Lian… But her life caught up with her and the other assassins started to threaten Lian so Cheshire made a choice. She left her daughter with Roy and left. She couldn’t imagine abandoning being Cheshire. “ Jason looks very young all of a sudden and Tim <em>gets</em> it. Jason knows how it feels to be less important than someone’s identity, than their job. He could relate, Roy’s pain was also his own, at least to a degree. </p><p>“She loved her job more than she loved Roy and Lian.” Tim says, no longer feeling like this is a laughing matter. Poor Roy. Poor Jason.  Thanks to his parent’s permanent absences, Tim was rather used to being someone’s second, third, or even fourth concern, he was used to being less important, he had practice and it didn’t hurt that much, not anymore at least.</p><p>“Yeah, this and problems with Green Arrow, then drugs… Kory was good for him, they were good for each other.”</p><p>“But Starfire remembered Dick at some point, didn’t she? How did she take news about Dick and Babs?”</p><p>“Don’t know to be honest. I wasn’t there when that happened but she was still together with Roy after that and Dick apparently is no longer with Babs.”</p><p>“This is a mess.” Tim sighs and he feels less in pain which means that painkillers finally started to do their job in earnest. </p><p>“Tell me about it.” And Jason sounds vulnerable like that and Tim is hit with realization that Jason really, really cares about his friends. He cares so much that their pain is almost his own.</p><p> So Tim sits up, wobbly but no longer hurting like a bitch and before Jason can protests and order Tim to lie back down, Tim slithers down to the floor to sit next to Jason.</p><p>“It’s going to be alright. They will figure it out, if not now, then soon.” Tim says, resting his cheek on Jason’s arm.</p><p>“How can you be so sure?”</p><p>“Well, right now it’s all The Bold and The Beautiful around here, but even this shit finally ended.” Jason laughs out loud and it’s the best sound Tim heard this whole evening.</p><p>“Tim, it’s in its thirty-third season now.”</p><p>“It’s still going on? Jesus, how.” Tim moans and Jason laugh even more.</p><p>“Still, they will all figure it out before The Bold and The Beautiful.” Tim slurs and oh, this is weariness catching up with him. Damn, he wants to say something… profound, something that will reassure Jason, something that will make him stop worrying…</p><p>“Well, at least here there will be no strange surprises like Starfire’s clandestine romance with Cheshire or Roy and Barbara’s secret child, so you know, better chances of success and all…” Is what his mouth says and Tim wants to smack himself, but Jason is still laughing and Tim falls asleep to the sound.</p><p>Next morning, he notices the newest addition to the Love chart: The Bold and The Beautiful – Cheshire/Arsenal, Arsenal/Starfire, Starfire/Nighwing, Nightwing/Oracle with a note saying: <em>According to Red Robin, we shall expect new developments, such as secret children and lesbian romances. Fake death (Nightwing’s), Marital unfaithfulness (Starfire), broken engagements (Starfire/Nightwing, Oracle/Nightwing), divorces (Cheshire/Arsenal), Fake identities (Nightwing) and dating two people at the same time without knowing about it (Nightwing) already accounted for. Suggestion: Find Nightwing a new love interest, without him here it would be easier for everybody.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>3. The Battle Couple – Batwoman &amp; Renee Montoya</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>It’s another joint Batfamily Fight the Villains day and this time it is another Arkham break orchestrated by the Joker so Jason is a bit on edge, sue him. Batman is not helping, emphasizing every third sentence “and we do not kill” to the point that even Selina starts looking as if she contemplates murdering someone just to be contrary.</p><p>“We are going to work in pairs to ensure that no one is left alone when they encounter someone they really shouldn’t be meeting alone.” Batman says and Jason doesn’t look up because he knows Bruce is looking at him. He wonders who will be assigned to babysit him. He’s an awful team player and everyone knows it. And yet Red Robin stands right next to him almost immediately.</p><p>“Hood and I can work together, we are pretty good at not killing people and breaking only necessary bones.” Tim says and Batman just nods. Huh. The rest of the Bats pair up, Batman goes with Catwoman, Nightwing with Robin, Black Bat with Batgirl and Batwoman, Signal and Batwing are left trying to navigate the team picking nightmare without offending anyone.</p><p>“If it’s alright with you, I want to work with my own partner. No offense boys, but she’s going to be there either way and I’d prefer to watch her back.” Kate says and Batman frowns so hard it’s visible under his cowl.</p><p>“Who is she?” He growls and Nightwing snickers in the background and Jason is reminded of their impromptu Batman Impression session two weeks ago, which took place on the roof of Wayne tower and was won by Duke who simply told them that all he was “very disappointed in their childish behavior”.  Nightwing went with ‘Where is she” then, growled at Tim who reflectively pointed to Steph. It was one of the good nights.</p><p>“You’ll have to see Bruce. But you will approve.” Batwoman replies confidently and jumps on her bike, leaving Batman without any chance at replying. This woman is an inspiration, seriously.</p><p>He and Tim leave on their own respective vehicles and leave as well, not bothering to stick around for Batman’s lecture about Kate being a bad influence.</p><p>They head to Gotham Heights and find their own group of escapees quite soon, and there are mostly random patients so Jason doesn’t rough them up too much. They are just smoke screen for whatever the Joker has planned and they are not really dangerous, maybe to themselves. He and Tim make a quick work of tying them down and leaving them in the park for the police to pick up.  They are making their way towards Otisburg to help Nightwing and Robin, when from the rooftop they see the Narrows Team fighting Poison Ivy. The Narrows Team consists of Batwoman who is taking on five pollen-hypnotized men at one time and another woman who is handling her own pretty well, her back to Kate and her moves efficient.</p><p>“Whoa, I think that is Bruce’s favourite policewoman, Renee Montoya.” Tim says and when Jason looks closer he can recognize the features.</p><p>“Oh, I thought they broke up because Renee didn’t like the secrecy or something?” Jason says because that is the last he had heard of Kate’s relationship. She even dated some lawyer lady for some time?</p><p>“Maybe they are not together, maybe they are just fighting together, you know, partners in the platonic sense of the word?” Tim offers and Jason nods.</p><p>“Should we help them?”  He asks and truly waits for Tim to decide. With any other person Jason would be ecstatic to jump down, kick assess, take names and lord over the unfortunate Batfamily member the fact that he had to help. With Kate however, he doesn’t want to do that, he respects her too much.</p><p>“They look like they have it handled and Batwoman really hates it when he throw her off her groove.” Tim replies and Jason is snorts. They watch the fight and it is clear to see that Batwoman and Montoya have it more than handled.</p><p>Tim is on the comms with some other member of the Batfamily when it happens.</p><p>“Look!” Jason shouts, catching Tim by the neck and pointing at the two women below them. They are kissing, Batwoman’s long hair flowing in the wind, unconscious bodies around them and it’s the most romantic thing Jason has seen and he’s watched every adaptation of <em>Pride and Prejudice</em>. Poison Ivy looks part uncomfortable, part curious and Kate finally lets go of Montoya and looks at Ivy.</p><p>“Sorry Pam, no charming this one, she’s mine.”</p><p>Jason feels like he should be writing this down because this is awesome, Kate is like a character from trashy adventure romances Tim swears he never reads (He’s lying because Jason has read them in Tim’s apartment, after finding them hidden between serious books about Physics and Programming. ) This is peak Hollywood stuff, it is a shame no one is recording it.</p><p>“Did Batwoman get territorial because they are both red-heads?” Tim muses out loud and Jason is struck with an idea.</p><p>“There can be only one!” He shouts and Kate looks up from her fight with Ivy’s vines.</p><p>“Damn right, kiddo!”</p><p>Montoya looks positively smitten.</p><p>They win this day, the patients all returned to Arkham and Batman dealt with Joker personally so Jason is a bit disappointed, but not surprised.</p><p>The next time he’s in Tim’n Nest he notices Renee and Kate’s names on the Love Chart with category ‘Battle Couple’ and a note with Tim’s messy handwriting:  <em>True Badassery at its finest. Side note: Keep Batwoman and Ivy away from Dick, he has a type and strange talent to complicate relationships. Background check on Montoya has been run. Not sure which one of them is the biggest badass here so let’s just hope they never break up (again). </em></p><p>Jason snorts and goes on his way to find Tim, possibly over-working himself again and overdosing coffee. He has a good plan on engaging Tim in a fangirling session by talking about Kate and wearing Red Robin down that he’ll have no choice but to get some well-deserved sleep.</p><p>Because that’s what partners do.</p><p>
  <strong>4. The Childhood Friend Romance – Robin &amp; Superboy (The Younger)</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“I never thought I’ll have to add Damian to the chart. Look at him, he’s growing so fast.” Tim says, sounding like a proud mother.</p><p>“I think we should stage an intervention.” Jason says instead and Tim gives him a puzzled look.</p><p>“An intervention?”</p><p>“Yeah, Jon should know what he is getting into. I propose a <em>Comprehensive List of Ten Worst Things Damian Has Done. </em>If that doesn’t dissuade young Kent from courting the gremlin, we can prepare a sequel, as well as <em>Ten Reasons Why Jon Kent Deserves Better</em>, and then…” Jason is ready to do it, too. He doesn’t know what is wrong with Jon Kent really, that he found anything about Damian moderately attractive, but maybe he is attracted to lost causes, it’s not the strangest kink to have.</p><p>Tim makes an exasperated sigh and turns away from the samples he’s been investigating to give Jason a face of general displeasure.</p><p>“They’ve known each other since they were both ten, I think Jon knows what he’s getting into.”</p><p>Jason is not convinced.</p><p>“Maybe he didn’t see Damian at his worst. Maybe he should.”</p><p>“Maybe you should mind your own business, Todd.” Damian growls and Jason doesn’t have to turn to see that he’s embarrassed. Perfect.</p><p>“Oh, Demon Brat, back from your mission with Nightwing? Great, we are completing a list of reasons why Jon should scream and run next time he sees you.”</p><p>“<em>We</em> are not doing nothing, Jason. <em>I’m</em> inspecting Scarecrow’s new toxin.” Tim, the traitor says and goes back to his work, leaving Jason with a furious Brat Wonder and a frowning Nightwing.</p><p>“Why are you so against it? You don’t even know Jon and they are adorable together.” Dick says and Jason always knew Dick was a softie, but that it a new level of being a human equivalent of a Labrador retriever.</p><p>“I don’t know young Kent, but I know our young Demon Head who kicked your ass, made Lian cry, threatens dismemberment to me anytime he sees me, cannot hold a conversation with anyone his age without them fearing for their life and tries to kill Tim constantly. Just from the top of my head, Dickie boy.” Jason says and Dick makes a sad face like it was his feelings Jason was hurting.</p><p>“You’re a hypocrite, Todd. You maimed Drake many times…”</p><p>“I tried to kill Tim, you try to kill him, see the difference?” Jason interjects, but the furious fifteen year old assassin refuses to be silenced.</p><p>“…And all your concerns are unwelcome and frankly, pathetic. I’m perfectly capable of figuring out my relationship with Jon on my own and he <em>chooses</em> my company, unlike you two rejects who have no one else just each other!” And with that final insult, Damian retreats and Dick looks like he wants to say something but ultimately resigns and trails after Damian.</p><p>There is silence and Jason sees the tension in Tim’s shoulders and he hates that he is partially responsible for putting it there. Lately instead of fighting Jason head-on, Damian started to direct his aggression at Tim, even if it was Jason who antagonized him most of the time. Considering the fact that Tim and Damian’s relationship is still not exactly cordial, it translated into Tim getting twice as much shit from Damian than before.</p><p>“That was… Wow. I don’t think I ever got under his skin that successfully.” Jason says, trying to lighten the atmosphere but Tim still refuses to look at him. Damn that brat, Jason is going to have a serious talk with him about fighting his actual opponent and not innocent bystanders.</p><p>“Look, Red, I hang out with you because I want to hang out with you. It’s that simple. I’m not exactly social at my best, I’m kinda homicidal at my worst and you tolerate me in both versions, which makes you worthy of my company. There, I said it, I’ve reached my limit of positive feelings for this month.” Tim snorts and Jason feels a bit better already.</p><p>“I like hanging out with you too.” He simply says and they both work on their things in silence for a while when Tim leans back in his chair and says to no one in particular:</p><p>“I have 9 reasons why Jon Kent deserves better and about 4 things to add to <em>Comprehensive List of Ten Worst Things Damian Has Done</em>.”</p><p>Jason searches for a pen and a piece of paper.</p><p>Two days later, he is in the Nest picking up recordings of Falcone thug #14’s love affair with Maroni’s secretary and he sees another addition to the Love Chart: The Childhood Friend Romance – Robin V &amp; Superboy (The Younger) – <em>related documents:</em> <em>Comprehensive List of Ten Worst Things Robin V Has Done, Comprehensive List of Ten Worst Things Robin V Has Done part 2, Ten Reasons Why Superboy II Deserves Better, Red Hood’s Ten Best Roasts In Case They Break Up.</em></p>
<ol>
<li>The Beta Couple – Bat Girl III &amp; Black Bat</li>
</ol><p>“I think in some other universe we are like, the endgame for each other.” Steph says and Tim raises his eyebrows.</p><p>“You think we kill each other?” He asks, his tone horrified. Steph laughs.</p><p>“I guess there must be a universe where we do, but no, I meant, there has to be a universe when we are together forever, we marry, abandon the superhero life and live happily ever after.”</p><p>“Would you like us to be married happily ever after?” Tim is genuinely confused. They were amazing together but they both changed so much that he couldn’t exactly imagine himself being anything else than good friends with Stephanie Brown. She is his soulmate, they would be drift compatible if they were in Pacific Rim and all and he really loved her, just not like that. Not anymore.</p><p>“Nah. Not  in this universe at least. But I think a different Steph and a different Tim who made different choices than us years ago, they are probably great together.” Steph says and takes another bite of her pizza. Tim just shrugs. Maybe there are universes where he is with her and he is happy. He knows there is a universe where he is an evil overlord, this universe sucks. There are possibly plenty where he is dead, some where he is happy with Tam, maybe? It’s hilarious to think that there must be universes where he is just that. Happy. What a novel concept.</p><p>“What brought this on?” He asks and Steph gets serious, she even put her pizza down. Oh no. Serious talk, then. Tim is suddenly thankful they are talking at his flat and not in the pizzeria, it would be hard to brace for impact with an audience involved.</p><p>“I’m dating Cass.”</p><p>Oh. That’s… not what Tim expected.</p><p>“Congratulations? I mean, I didn’t know you were interested in each other, but then I didn’t ask so…” Steph sighs in relief and leans back on his couch, tension leaving her body.</p><p>“I don’t know why but for some reason I was afraid to tell you.”</p><p>Tim can imagine. Telling your ex that you are dating his sort-of sister is not something a lot of people have experience in doing.</p><p>“I am okay with that. Even if I wasn’t, you’d be in the right, because it is not my business to approve or disapprove  so you’d have all the reason in the world to kick my ass and I’d probably come around either way, but for what it’s worth, I’m happy for you. “</p><p>“Thanks.” And she hugs him, which tells him how important it is to her. How she truly feared his reaction. How <em>important</em> he still is to her and something in his heart melts.</p><p>“So, give me the details. How did it happen?”</p><p>“Oh, you know. My usual partner ditched me for a shredded hot mess in a red bucket so I started to team up with Cass and she’s… She’s a wonderful person, Tim. She is deadly but there is so much optimism in her, so much happiness even in Gotham, even despite all the things she had experienced all the things she is still experiencing. There is so much strength and kindness in her that my day gets better every time I see her.” </p><p>Steph has this dreamy, far-away expression on her face and Tim sees that she is truly in love. It’s a good look on her. She did have this fling with one of Jim Gordon’s detectives and she liked secrecy and illicit air of the affair, but it didn’t make her happy like that. It didn’t make her glow.</p><p>“Did you ask her out?” He asks and Steph gives him a brilliant smile.</p><p>“Yup. I asked after the Arkham breakout, we finished up with our guys and she talked down one patient who had some sort of a panic attack and looking at her, helping him… It reminded me that we are doing here is worth it, that we can help, we <em>are</em> helping, even if sometimes it doesn’t seem like it. And being with her, seeing her like that… I just strode to her and said ‘I‘d love to date you, Cass,’ or something equally corny but she said yes.” Tim nods. So they’ve been dating for a month, more or less.</p><p>“And you are happy?” Steph beams at him.</p><p>“For now, definitely. She is planning to visit her mother in Hong Kong though, so I’ll be moping after her in the near future but for now, yes. Sure, Cass hasn’t dated much and we are a bit awkward with each other but it’s fun learning with her. It is my first same-sex relationship after all so I am bit new at some things as well but we’re good.”</p><p>“That’s great! If you need to ask about anything sexual, just go to Kate, though. Never, ever ask Dick. And asking Bruce is just asking for a trauma.” Tim warns, remembering his own tragic history of accepting the fact that he might be into men as well. Thank God for Kate who was visiting the Cave at the time and rescued Tim from Dick’s lecture. She gave him short, to-the-point answers and did so without making uncomfortable grimaces.</p><p>“Oh, no, I’d never ask either of them. They still don’t know, or at least I think they don’t know and I plan on keeping it that way for as long as I can. You can tell Jason, though. “</p><p>“Err, thanks? I mean, I don’t think it will come up naturally in a conversation, but thanks for the go ahead.” Tim says and Steph gives him the look. Like he is not getting something important. They spend the rest of the evening talking about best and worst ideas for dates and trying to figure out where Cass would like to go next.</p><p>Tim puts Black Bat and Batgirl on the Love Chart and laughs out loud when after a few days he notices a bold, elegant <em>WHAT?</em> Written next to his <em>The Most Unproblematic Bat Relationship, </em>followed by:</p><p>
  <em>Challenge accepted.</em>
</p><p>Tim laughs out loud again.</p><p>And then notices the writing at the bottom of the chart.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>+1 The Fan Favourite: Red Hood &amp; Red Robin</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sure they are just trolling us.” Dick says confidently and Damian gives him a look of pity.</p><p>“Grayson, your faith in humans has always perplexed me, but you are going to new lengths with them.” Dick just gives him a fond look. Damian might protest loud and clear that he hates them all but Dick knows better than to take his words at face value. Maybe he has practice dealing with Bruce and his inability to voice any emotion that isn’t ‘disapproval’ but he sees everything Damian isn’t saying and he often wonders why Tim and Jason don’t. Then again, if Robin is right and these two are really not together in <em>that sense</em>, maybe he gave them a bit too much credit as detectives.</p><p>“They will figure it out in their own time, I’m sure.” Dick says, reassuringly and looks up to welcome Duke into the Cave. He looks tired as hell and clearly in need of some distraction.</p><p>“Is Red Robin dating Red Hood?” He asks and Duke just looks at him tiredly.</p><p>“I guess? Did anything change, did they have a fight?” He asks and Damian gives Dick a pointed look.</p><p>“They aren’t together.” Robin says stubbornly.</p><p>“Well they should be, otherwise Hood’s glaring whenever I sit with Tim is not jealousy but genuine murder intent and in that case I need to skip the town.” Duke says morosely and flops down on a chair next to Dick. They stare at the monitors for a moment, watching Red Robin and Red Hood make their way through Two-Face’s goons. They work well together, they are used to having each other’s backs, and Dick would even say that they are a bit overprotective of each other, but he says it with love.</p><p>“I thought they picked their codenames because they are an item.” Duke confesses and Damian makes an irritated noise.</p><p>“They are both annoying, they like Red, they got replaced by a better suited Robin and they are both morons, they are clearly made for each other.” Damian says and Duke huffs a laugh.</p><p>“I am still convinced that they are just pretending not to be together just to spite us.” Dick says, because he knows them. Well, he knows Jason at least and this is something Jason would absolutely do. Tim… They used to have a better relationship but then Damian-being-Robin fiasco happened and Dick cannot say that he is as close with Tim as he used to be. He at least knows that there is a realm of possibility here – Tim came to him once asking about bisexuality and that was a terrifying talk to have, but at least they had it. Almost. Kate thankfully took Tim away before Dick was able to die of mortification at the topic of wet dreams.</p><p>Still, Dick has faith in either of them noticing that they are practically dating already and had been for some time.</p><p>Something explodes on the monitor and Red and Hood look at each other, elated smile clear on Tim’s face and Dick can imagine a mirroring smile on Jason’s face.</p><p>“I really thought they were a thing.” Duke muses out loud, his mind seemingly stuck at the idea.</p><p>“Who?” Stephanie asks, appearing from the direction of the Bat-Parking or whatever Bruce calls that part of the Cave at the moment.</p><p>“Tim and Jason. We are debating whether they are finally together or not. I think they are.” Dick explains.</p><p>“They decidedly are not.” Damian growls and really, Dick wonders why he is so convinced of that. Does he not want them together? Or quite the contrary, is he bitter that it is taking them so long? Damian’s finer feelings for his brothers are sometimes an enigma even to Dick.</p><p>“Oh. Well, I could clear it up for you, detectives.” Steph says with a cocky smile and they all turn to stare at her.</p><p>“You can?”</p><p>“Sure! Me and Tim are really close, especially since Cass flew to Hong Kong a week ago, Tim is making sure I do not wither and die of loneliness…” She boasts and Dick feels something sinking in his stomach. Are Tim and Steph back together? That will break Jason’s heart and Dick does not look forward to it.</p><p>“Please, end our misery I want to stop thinking about it as soon as possible.” Duke moans and Steph  laughs.</p><p>“Look behind you.”</p><p>They all turn at the same time to see Jason and Tim wrapped in each other, clearly kissing, with a building behind them collapsing dramatically.</p><p>Dick grins.</p><p>“See Dami? They are not <em>that</em> slow on the uptake. We are.”He says, a proud smile on his face.</p><p>*</p><p>Back at the Nest, below all the other entries, there is one, short but to the point:</p><p>
  <em>Red Hood’s Favourite Pair: Red Robin &amp; Red Hood – not confirmed yet, it has plenty of potential though: good partnership, great in the looks department, joint custody over Hood’s tea collection, prospective first date would include confessions and Photography Show, if Red Robin deems it proper to accept.</em>
</p><p>It is followed by a messy scrawl:</p><p>
  <em>"In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.'' – Red Robin, accepting Hood’s proposal and pointing out that he does not read "Pride and Prejudice" just for anybody. </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Tropes taken from TVTropes of course.</p><p>The Love Chart uses codenames because even when drunk, Tim makes sure no one's secret identity may be revealed.</p><p>Some minor facts that didn't make it into the fic:</p><p>-I'm ignoring the failed wedding Tom King gave us. That sucked and BatCat deserves better, but Selina fighting Talia cracked me up so this scene made it into the fic<br/>- I love Dick with Kory as well as Roy/Cheshire but DCU hates them together so the mess with them is me trying to fit different timelines and versions (Starfire getting amnesia is from Starfire 2015) and address all the pairings that are canon and all the ships I love at the same time.  It's exhausting, let's never do that again.<br/>- Kate got engaged to Maggie Sawyer but I always preferred her with Montoya so this happened. In the fic they broke up to make Bruce get off Kate's back and then they secretly got together again.<br/>- DCeased sold me on Damian/Jon ship, they are adorable together and yes, I know, all of the Batfamily can't be gay but Jon is a much better idea for Damian than Raven (looking at you, DC Animated Universe)<br/>- Cass and Steph is a ship I mostly encounter while reading JayTims but I did some digging and these two would be an interesting couple so I tried my hand at writing them. I know that Tim/Steph is one of the most beloved DC ships lately and I can see the appeal but JayTim speaks to me more so what can I say.<br/>-Jason and Tim both really love Dick and so do I, but there's no better way of strengthening your bond than to make fun of your overprotective and extravert sibling. I know, I'm an extravert overprotective sibling myself.<br/>-Jason has a nice hand-writting because I said so and because I think it makes sense, he works with literature. Tim, a child brought up by computers and cameras should be praised for knowing how to write.</p><p>And just like that, I spawned a crackfick, I refuse to take responsibility for it and now I return to my cave to write more angst.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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